Thursday, January 26, 2012

top 10 lies I've told my children.

There will be a day that the kids will read this blog and be even more embarrassed of me. James is already reading chapter books in kindergarten, so I'm sure the day will come very soon. So I say to you James and Natalie, here are 10 things that I've told you over the course of 6 years (of my awesome parenting) that are lies.. big lies:

10.) Your pillow is a magic pillow and if you tell it that you want to sleep, it'll make you sleep.

9.) Whenever I answer "I don't know" to one of your many questions, there's a 99% chance that I know the answer. I just don't want to tell you.

8.) Doing your chores can be fun! FUN!

7.) Your going to make a ton of friends at school, I just know it. (Then you found out that at least half of the kids in your class kind of act like assholes.)

6.) That picture is GREAT! I love it! (a picture drawn in .03 seconds that you proudly hand to me that's just like a line..just a line or a small scribble of nothing.. c'mon you're 6! I've seen you draw intense diagrams!)

5.) My show is only 20 minutes you guys. Can I please watch People's Court for 20 minutes? (yup, it's an hour).

4.) The pool is closing!! We have to go!! (nope, not closing.. I just attempt to diffuse your screaming from knowing you have to leave.)

3.) You need a time out! (If you're 4 or 6 and you're sitting in a corner, it's because I really wanted to punt you like a big football, but instead I put you in the corner to save you.)

2.) Vegetables are so tasty and crunchy mm mm mmmm. (some of the vegetables I've served you are ones I hate, too. I'm sorry.)

1.) Santa Claus is WATCHING YOU!! (that would be the creepiest lie ever, again I'm so very sorry.)

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