I kind of hate my uterus right about now. It literally is trying to escape my body because I've done harm to it by having 2 big-headed kids and my extra weight to add to it. And I'm sure some fine genetics can be mixed in there. Who knows.
So, today I went to my post-op appointment for the laparoscopy I had 2 weeks ago and things were going great. Hardly any pain..feelin' fine.. just all in all feeling good again. I even noticed that some of my lower back pain has subsided since then. I went into the appointment late. Another story for another day but I can say this: that taking the wrong bus will never take you close enough. Schlepping along two kids, one sitting in a stroller and one walking for 15 blocks isn't as much as you'd think. But, we got there..20 minutes late even though we left 2 hours prior..either way, I felt triumphant. Because..we GOT THERE.
Gosh the kids were so good today. I let them finish their large chocolate bunnies when we got home but they deserved more than that. They were saints.
I get checked out by the doctor, very quick checkup and didn't expect much else. He sits down to tell me about some things that he found during my laparoscopy. Dun dun duuunnn.
What else could he have found in there? I'm thinking.
My lost weddding ring?
Sorry to use humor here but sometimes it's the only way to get through.
I can say that none..zero..zilch of those things were found in my uterus. But he did find 2 pesky and slightly troubling things..
the first is that he found that I have uterine prolapse. Which basically means that over time..with age..with having kids, etc. your uterus can..well..get lower. But nothing major just as long as it's in the 1 or 2 degree range out of 4..4 meaning well..uhm..goodbye uterus.
Mine is in the 3rd degree.
HOLY FUCK. (sorry for the cussing..another way I can deal with this I guess)
The 2nd problem is that I have a uterine condition called "pelvic congestive syndrome" which in simple terms means that I have large varicose veins running throughout the back of my uterus.
Not cool and very dangerous.
And this, just like the first condition, comes from having children, genetics, and so many other factors.
I have to say this because for some reason (from shock maybe?) I feel like I have to defend myself.. but I have no idea how I got these conditions other than the extra weight I've carried for so many years and for having large kids. I honestly for the life of me can't figure it out. I'm otherwise healthy.
I walked 15 or so blocks with James today (poor kid) all uphill and after only settling down for a few minutes had my BP taken..it was 120 over 84. Very good!!
I am in shock. I am getting a little depressed..I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.
I will be okay. I know I will.
I just have to make a decision..very big decision. It's not an if when it comes to a partial hysterectomy but a "when will I have one" type of situation.
They can save my "gorgeous" ovaries (as my doctor called them..thanks doc) and I would still be able to produce my own hormones and everything. I just won't have .... a uterus..like anymore.
Then I think about and have rambled about to family about how I at least had 2 beautiful kids and USED that uterus twice. Too many women can't say that.
But this is a part of me. A part of me that carried my two kids that I have to get rid of.
I even had dreams of being a surrogate mom to a couple. That was what prompted me to get myself checked out and get on track so I could begin the surrogacy process.
And now..I can't.
I am allowed to have children but as the doctor put it, it would be my last one. It's too risky. And yes, we're done having kids.
But there is just something strange and unsettling about having your decision already made FOR you. Ya know?
I'll be okay.
I know I will. Just keep reminding me that okay?