Sunday, July 1, 2012

I'm sorry..

I started this post to go off on a huge rant about something but instead I'm going to leave this short and sweet. All I can say is..
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I can't please everyone.
I'm sorry that I have learned how to defend myself when someone says awful things about my family.
I'm sorry that I'm blocked by 2 people on Facebook for reasons that my brain will never comprehend. 1 of which is a family member.
I'm sorry that you think that I'm a little annoying.
I'm sorry that all I do is put my children first. Their feelings..their goals.. their happiness..
I'm sorry that people prefer me to be a pushover.
I'm sorry that I get offended once in a while.

Actually, you know what? I'm not sorry. Because that's the reality of it all. I'm no saint whatsoever.. but I'm an awesome person who unfortunately gets taken advantage of, just like a lot of other people too I'm sure. For some reason, I am perceived as "weak" so maybe that's why I attract those willing to break me down? I am still unclear on this.
I care about people (sometimes too much) and I have the patience of steel when it comes to taking crap. I also hate it.. no.. loathe it..when others talk crap about other people. It makes my stomach turn. I don't name bash, call people awful names, or deliberately hurt people's feelings. I have learned to stick up for myself and the people who get upset about that are usually the ones who walked all over me in the past.
And I don't think I'm better than anyone. Let's get that completely straight. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if that's a problem... then I'm not sorry.

I get so upset when people don't like me. But I could actually BE a saint and there would still be people who don't like me. Like my brother said...

"Remember, you can never and will never please everybody, so don't exert the effort necessary to worry about it. Conserve that energy!" 

The only thing I can do is just move on... I'll have to figure that all out.. how.. how do I do that? But maybe I just need to work at it. Put some real effort into moving on and learn to care less and stop internalizing everything.

It's a work in progress.

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