I can't think of a good title so I'll just title this "UGH".

Yesterday morning, while getting the kids up for school, I was in and out of the living room that had the tv on with our local news.
All of the sudden at about 7am I hear words like "layoffs".. "huge" and "extension" but all the while I'm only hearing broken sentences without standing in front of the tv to know what they're really saying. Then at the end of it, I hear the name of the hubby's company.
Outloud I say "nuh uhh..no..no way..I had to have heard that wrong".
I immediately check online to see if it's true.

Now I know celebrities feel when they hear something bad about themselves, but through the media first. Well, I sort of know how they feel. You wonder..how the hell can I find out THIS way? Couldn't have there have been a more humane way to find out such major shit?

I also  know for sure what sheer panic feels like once again. Oh panic, how I wondered where you were.
It's pretty bad when there's no major anxiety or panic going through our minds and bodies but then you notice how weird it feels to be more at peace. It's a great weird and it was just right when I got used to these new good feelings.

But then I put the panic aside.

Because then I realized that even though shit is hitting the fan and yes, this will be what only feels like the  millionth time..nothing has been finalized. Nothing has been set in stone. And this isn't just about a company laying an incredible amount of people off, but this is the near end of a wonderful company. I have to emphasize how wonderful of a company they are. They are, literally, the best company that he has ever worked for.

I know that this sounds really weird (and probably stupid) but for some reason the blow feels lessened when so many others are put into the mix. This isn't just about our family- it's about thousands of others.

There's a chance that the company gets the help they need to keep it going. Besides, the position the hubby has is long-term temporary (at least a year with the "or more" emphasized). We were shocked to learn that the chance of sticking around permanent in the future was taken away. That's aside from the fact that even our temporary present has a big chance of being taken away.

But again, nothing has been set in stone. Plus, he is one of the employees they are thrilled with. They will also need to keep producing so the business doesn't just shut down. Downsize next to nothing- yes, that's a huge possibility.
But I pray for our family to spared. At least for now. For now. For once.
That we will have a more time on our side to figure out what to do. It would give us at least a winter and spring (and maybe summer) to apply to those government positions that require thick packets of information to be completed. It would give us time. We need every month we can get right now.
It would allow Rick to acquire more experience, which is priceless. And would allow him to keep perfecting what he's been learning for the past almost-2 months.

God... it hasn't even been 2 months.

I wasn't going to post this entry. I almost deleted this and started over with something less....heavy.
It was bad enough I knew about it while I posted yesterday's blog post- a post I planned on for days before we heard the unsettling news. I almost deleted this. So if you're family and a close friend of ours reading this, please just pray for us. Pray that the tax credits that the company needs is extended like originally planned, and that we have TIME. I don't think our family deserves this.. we just need this. If a layoff happens next month I can't even begin to explain how bad that is for us.... I actually can't even think about it. But I do know that we've been through this before and that we're still standing. We're still holding strong. We just need our family and friends to be strong with us. Let us to do the panicking. We're used to it.

 I really do believe that everything will work out.