Tuesday, August 2, 2011

sigh. (I know, feel sorry for me!)

I find myself always finding ways to talk about my children. There are many reasons due to this:
1.) I don't have much of an exciting life. I do not visit night clubs, party my ass off, or get out of the apartment much unless it involves running an errand or 3.
2.) I am in love with my children. I am not in love with everyone else's children so my children, naturally, are the best kids in the entire universe.. or.. uhm..no. No, they really are the coolest kids that I have ever lived with. That I can say. And being related to them directly helps a lot, too.

I find myself talking about them a lot because I like to also avoid talking about myself.. which again, is really not that exciting. But I would like to post something truly exciting.. my doctor visit from yesterday YEAH! Uh huh isn't that exciting?

Here's the deal.. I have been spending a lot of time feeling tired, moody (or in my husband's word "crazy" which hey, that can be a little true), and feeling really really anxious all of the time. Let's also have thrown in my random moments where I have hot flashes. And without going into detail because family does NOT want to read about how I conceived my 2 children.. I have zero libido. Yes, I said libido.

Why am I putting this all out there? Because maybe someone will read this and say "hey now, I've got that going on too!" and maybe, just maybe, I can help someone. Pushing anyone to go and visit their doctor for something that raises any red flag is a good thing. My red flags were all pointing up for many months and I waited this long. But, better late than never I suppose.

So yesterday I had an exam and blood work completed by the same doctor who did my hysterectomy last June. Yes, the "woman doctor" a.k.a "the doctor that keeps my innards working right". Well, the "other" doctor that keeps my innards working right.
I really love my doctor have I mentioned that before? He's very good and really listens to me. He doesn't rush me..ever. He prescribed a low-dose estrogen pill that may be able to help me out. Thing is, when you have your estrogen levels checked through your blood it's maybe 50% accurate as to if there is even a hormonal issue going on. But the real biggie was that they checked my thyroid. That's the one that I thought could have been the culprit.

I got my blood results today and.........

everything's fine

On one hand, fantastic! I don't have to worry about my thyroid wiggin' out on me and that avoids a ton of issues and medications. But on the other, I really wanted some sort of solid diagnosis. I really would like to know what the hell is wrong with me. 
The nurse that called with my results started pushing anti-depressants and I had to say that I wasn't interested.. not yet. I haven't tried talk therapy or anything. I haven't tried figuring out what's wrong in my life so I can fix it. Many things are out of my control, so I really have to keep rolling with those punches until it gets fixed. Financial woes for instance? Yup, wouldn't it be nice if it was an overnight fix? I would like to try to the estrogen tablets and see if that works. Because the blood test, like my doctor warned, could have just caught my hormone levels on a better day. Doesn't mean that I don't have things out of whack hormonally. I have to give those pills a solid month to see how I feel. 
And that's what I'm gonna do.
I do realize that if I begin taking anti-depressents that it's not so bad. I mean really.. out of the mountain of crap that I've dealt with in my life, wouldn't it just make sense for me to feel even a little depressed?

I have to really find a solid way to feel better.. or at least feel more like myself. I have to figure out what is going on in my life that's making me feel so crazy. I don't even know if I'm depressed. But I will know more in the next 4-5 weeks....   until then... I'll just keep plugging along and rolling with those punches. I don't think we have a choice do we?

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