disability.

I don't know why I have waited to so long to apply for social security income benefits for Natalie. An update to the "compassionate allowances" for SSI happened on July 14th of this year and now all single ventricle hearts have a much easier time getting approved. It doesn't exactly guarantee an approval but it's as close to guarantee with the government as you can get. Natalie's case could be even easier:

Natalie actually has 2 qualify conditions: numbers 84 and 95. Those in red were the modified allowances. 

I think I waited a while to apply but maybe it was okay that I had. Now the process should have maybe a few less hoops to jump through. I think I also waited because I thought we'd get denied (like most people do) and then the just the simple process would take a year or two and then I would get so frustrated and give up. Maybe that's what the government would prefer. I also thought about how much a non-working 4 year old child would even be eligible for. Then I heard so many figures of what others receive for their CHDers each month and most of the time I hear somewhere in the 600 a month realm. I had no idea!

I also have to be totally honest. I battle with feeling like I'm taking something from Natalie. I know I'm not. She could care less at this point. But I dunno.. I just started feeling like I was mooching off of my own child. This is how I feel.. this has zero reflection of how I feel about other parents that receive these benefits. Not at all. 

Lately I've really thought about it a lot. How it would so helpful to have that income coming in. How badly we need it. And how badly Natalie will need it someday. 

We plan to hopefully be approved at some point in the next month or so and then we can put much of that into her own savings account. We never know if Natalie will even be allowed or able to work when she's older. I have no idea at all. I keep thinking... what if she'll need expensive medications when she's older? what if she's desperate to go to college but can't afford her tuition and/or living expenses? What if she can't find a job? What if she wants to live off of campus while in college and needs help with her rent and can't work? 

I think about this a whole lot. 

It would give us the kick start to be able to save some, therefore giving us more leeway to save for James' future at the same time. He'll need a savings account, too! Just because he has a whole heart and is totally healthy doesn't mean he won't need money either. 

Again, I think about this a whole lot. And worry too much. 

For now.. we're living in the now so we can survive. And an extra income would help so much. So much that I'm kicking my own ass right now for waiting so long!