Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The best advice I can give in 10 sentences about giving birth to a baby.

1.) If you have to push the baby out of your vagina, you will probably poop on the delivery table.

2.) It's actually okay...seriously.

3.) Natural childbirth sucks.

4.) Epidurals, when given correctly, do NOT suck.

5.) Concerning labor pain: dealing with it is like how you throw up..when you throw up you're brain sort of goes to a happy place.. less coherent place.. having labor pains is kind of like that.. you go to a place in your brain to hide so you can deal with the immense pain.

6.) Books and magazines say that pushing out the placenta isn't so bad.. that shit hurts and I don't lie.

7.) BUT you will have just pushed out a gorgeous and wrinkly baby so you won't notice it as much.

8.) When your husband/boyfriend/whatever tries to snap photos of you while in labor you have the legal right to punch him very the head.

9.) Standing up during labor from, my little experience, is awesome and incredibly productive.

10.) Never stare at the monitor by your head because it's only going to make the pain worse.

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